Then Saturday Comes… the half decent football blog

Leicester City vs Coventry City: minute by minute, live and kicking
March 21, 2010, 12:44 pm
Filed under: Mat Reville's Football Blog | Tags: ,

While the chavs descend upon Old Trafford to watch Manchester United 2 – 0 Liverpool this afternoon, this is the place to get the lowdown on the real Super Sunday game.

Leicester City vs Coventry City: minute by minute, live from 2pm. Keep on hitting that refresh button, scenesters.

15.56 Full time and it’s finished 2-2. Leicester’s collapse in the second half means nobody can really criticise the dropped two points but Andy King in particular will be disappointed after a lovely opening 45 minutes. Ah well, at least we’re still looking delightful for the play-offs. Allez Leicester, allez!

15.55 Leicester break and some insane acceleration from Lloyd Dyer sees him sneak into the box for a one-on-one with the God bothering keeper, but The Lord wins and the stopper keeps the ball out. Woomph.

15.54 Coventry on the prowl, it’s looking dangeous.  I feel like I’ve watched this match before…

15.53 Corner to Cov, oh God.

15.51 It’s all Leicester, but not looking particularly threatening. Jack Hobbs spanners a shot meekly wide from a frustratingly ambitious 40 yards. Nonsense. 4 minutes injury time.

15.49 Leicester having the first pressure in ages, but Yann”s bizarre decision to take an overhead kick unsurprisingly sees the ball trickle out of play.

15.47 GOAL FOR COVENTRY. Leicester’s decision to not play football for the last 30 minutes has unsurprisingly back fired. Hopefully early enough that we can actually get back to playing football and get this nonsense back on track.

15.46 Into the last five minutes, and Wayne Brown has won at least 45 headers in the two minutes since he swaggered into the match.

15.44 The beast is on – Wayne Brown on for Nobby.

15.42 Jack Hobbes sums up his career by calmly removing the danger from a Cov attack and then lumping the ball to nobody.Very good defensively but no distribution.

15.39 Why do we do this to ourselves? Mayhem in the Leicester box as the back to the wall job is failing drastically. It’s all Coventry, and you have to ask why we changed the style of play so drastically after the Cov goal. Leicester are praying for a goal on the counter and it’s not looking great.

15.38 Big Yann comes on for Paul Gallagher. Good game for Gally but he drifted out a bit in the second half – hopefully Yann can hold the ball up to get Waggers and Dyer back into the game. All a bit too defensively, just as I sagely predicted.

15.36 There’s a lot of Coventry possession and nervous Leicester play, but no chances to speak of. Pearson looks non-concerned though, as he sips on his mojito in that hammock of his.

15.30 Mark Bright just said Leicester City were a stone in his career. I’m fashioning an effigy for the garden. I hope the immigrants don’t besmerch it.

15.29 The match seems to have descended into ‘wait until Cov get a throw in 30 yards from goal. Time for a bit of Gas Man or Howard perhaps?

15.25 Great take by Chris Weale in the box, as it’s all got a little bit ‘bitty’ at the WalkersBowl.

15.24 McGivern’s back on with a load of towels up his nose. It’s a winning look.

15.19 The two protagonists from that throw in exchange endure a dangerous clash of heads and it doesn’t look pretty for McGivern. The Man City youngster looks pretty out of it and ther’s a lot of blood on the physio’s towel. Horrible stuff.

15.18 It looks like this Coventry player is a long throw expert. Sadly, the ball hits the first Leicester man. Even worse, it’s the moronic McGivern, who celebrates by flicking the ball across his own box.

15.17 John Stead proves why he’s not playing in the Premiership by spazzing a close range, uncontested header over the bar. I don’t like the way things are going.

15.15 GOAL FOR COVENTRY. It’s a scissor kick by some chap in a black shirt (just like the Nazis). Wealey gets a hand to it but it’s to no avail. Let’s hope Pearson doesn’t go all backs to the wall…

15.12 Nice defending by Jack Hobbs to prevent Cov from entering the largely uncharted territory of the Leicester City box.

15.11 Nice knock back by Waghorn for the oncoming Floydy Dyerweather but Cov get enough bodies in the way.

15.07 First shot of the second half and it’s no surprise that it was Leicester. Seeing as it was Matt Oakley, it’s also no surprise that it was easily collected.

15.06 We’re back underway, and I learned a little bit about Sport Releif during half term. Which was nice.

14.49 Half time whistle blows, and the immigrants have been asked to go back to the garden until the second half begins. Gary Speed looks a little nervous that Andy King will turn him into a footnote in Welsh footballing history, with a display that makes Cruyff ’74 look like the definition of mediocrity. Update from the ‘Premiership’ match, Manchester United 1-1 Liverpool. Sounds dull compared to 2-0 PHWOARRR!

14.47 Some nervous tackling in the Leicester box, but ultimately Coventry can’t capitalise. The ball is eventually cleared by Nobby Solano, who celebrates by wacking out a cigar and doffing his bowler hat to the cameras.

14.45 All going a little bit quiet before half time, save for some majestic footwork by Paul Gallagher before nonchelantly knocking a ball out of play, much to Flyod’s chagrin.

14.42 Frustration overflows as Clinton Morrison gets into Riche Wellens’ face. He obviously doesn’t realise Wellens is double hard.

COMMENT FROM REINIS – “Chris Coleman looks like he’s just been dumped. Bless him”. Cookie is slumped in the dugout, no doubt embarrassed to be so outclassed by Nigel Pearson despite technically being his peer.

14.39 Chris Weale dances around Jon Stead while saying “that all you got, punk” just like Rocky in Rocky III. How can anyone not support this team?

14.38 First bit of real pressure by Cov after a few deep crosses into the Leicester box. However, Nigel Pearson’s thunderous laughter can be heard as Baker ruins the move by doing one too many lollipops and instead falls over.

14.36 Gallager injured by Clinton O’Morrison. It seems to be a cartoonish injury where Gally waltzed between the ball and Morrison’s aimless swing. The players take the opportunity provided by the break enjoy a conflab with Nigel Pearson, and who can blame them?

14.33 Kingeh saves the day by heading away a Baker shot. The man would have such high Top Trumps scores it would make the whole industry obsolete.

14.30 Injury break as Waggers gets treatment for a knee knack. Hopefully Tim Westwood in the Cov goal is getting some much-needed prayers in.

14.29 It’s getting a bit tasty, a few naughty tackles going on by Gallacher on some Coventry bloke and then he gets a silly booking for kicking the ball away.

14.28 Cheeky lob over the back puts Waghorny Horny Horny in again, but the violent striker fails to find the target.

14.27 In an homage to John Barnes’ rap, Leicester get round the back again. Gallagher gets a bit too excited though and decides not to square to the open Floyd Dyer but instead crosses to nobody. The fool!

COMMENT FROM REINIS – “I’ve got cramp now.” It’s all too exciting for the young man.

14.25 If Andy King was English we’d win the World Cup by default, there wouldn’t be a need for a tournament.

14.22 Leicester are going mental. Waghord almost gets the third, sliding in at the far post in scenes memorable of Gazza in Euro 96. This is embarassing for Coventry and, even though the second shouldn’t have counted, it was thoroughly deserved. Woof.

14.21 LEICESTER GOAL! Another strike by Andy King. What a man this fella is. It doesn’t actually go over the line, but as it’s Andy King nobody argued when he motioned it was in. The referee knows better than to question the King.

14.20 Leicester break and Flod Dyer uses his indscribable pace to get away from the defence, but his shot is pushed wide.

14.19 Ominous from Cov as they break down the wing, but then ineptly pass the ball to the behemoth of football that is Andy King.

14.17 Matt Oakley appears on the screen, he is a wine merchant.

14.15 Coventry have their first shot of the match, but the giggling Chris Weale easily collects. He’s wearing a dastardly baseball cap, by the way. Outside bet for the World Cup goalkeeper position? Why not, master.

14.12 More great work by Dyer. Who needs Beckham? Outside tip for the World Cup…

COMMENT FROM BRIGGSY – “Coventry aren’t very good – fact.” He is an angry, angry man.

14.09 Another couple of chances for the brave foxes. Waghorn’s free kick is tipped wide, and Morrison’s header from the resulting corner is calmly saved by the God-fearing keeper.

14.07 Leicester are playing some lovely stuff. Free kick 30 yards out… Hobbs is lurking…

14.05 GOAL FOR LEICESTER!  Who else but Andy King? Lovely ball by Welles for Floyd ‘Money’ Dyerweather, and the presence of Kingeh forced the ball into the net. Easy days, phwoar!

14.02 Jack Hobbs lumps the ball out of play. This is why the BBC chose this match to go up against Man United vs Liverpool.

13.59 Tim Westwood, in goal for Coventry, has wrapped his head in a towel and having a prayer. 50 yards away Martyn Waghorn is giggling about how to throw in religious celebrations in the pious DJ’s face after scoring one of his many games.

are in the tunnel. This is the kind of cracking atmosphere that makes the M69 derby the 26th biggest derby in the country, according to that work experience chap.

13.55 – TEAM NEWS IS IN! Weale, Solano, Morrison, Hobbs, McGivern, King, Wellens, Oakley(c), Gallacher, Waghorn, Dyer. Disappointing news in the full-back spots. Keep an eye out for McGivern, he enjoys anti-football and looks like Rhydian from X Factor. Some Coventry players will be there as well, apparently.

13.52 – The BBC broadcast has kicked off with a nifty package starring Jake Humphreys (16) lurking on a misty M69. Nicejob to give the work experience boy, but where’s my Lineker?


Yet more nails in the pundit coffin
March 15, 2010, 9:50 pm
Filed under: Mat Reville's Football Blog | Tags: ,

Becks' life's got turned upside down by his Achilles heel

It’s been an exciting day for TV executives. BBC and ITV both presumably acquired new pundits for the World Cup, with newly crocked David Beckham and newly jobless Phil Brown almost certain to join their media circuses.

Becks won’t be playing in the World Cup after a heel injury that his Tinseltown buddy Brad ‘Achilles’ Pitt will empathis with.

Old Goldenballs is a sure-fire addition to the BBC: suave, presentable, objective.

Phil Brown won’t be in the Premiership again any time soon, after Hull City realised he stopped actually being their manager over a year ago and finally gave their most prosperous manager an altogether strongly deserved sacking.

Browny is an ITV pundit in waiting: incomprehensible, irrelevant and weird looking.

Poor old David Beckham. He could have been lifting the World Cup while Mandela gently weeps. Now he’s being compared (albeit favourable) to an orange monkey who thinks he’s all that because Fat Sam Allardyce welded a microphone to his head.

Still, it could be worse for DB23. Usually his life is ruined after a World Cup (1998 red card, 2002 not being fit, 2006 penalty miss). This year chances are he’d have punched a referee or headbutted a cheerleader.

At least this time he’s got the pain over and done with in March, so he’ll be able to enjoy himself in the summer.

Becks bounced back in an alternative profession

I’m a big fan of Becks but there is a chance he would have had a couple of off games at the World Cup, and all the morons on ITV (such as Phil Brown, probably) would have said he’s ruined a legacy.

Despite being a great player, the fact is he has always had pretty rubbish international tournaments.

This injury means he can avoid having one, and we can all imagine he would have been the Beckham we see every 23 months, rather than the frankly average one we do 1 month during international tournaments every two years (barring McLaren tenures).

And it’s not too bad to be Phil Brown. He probably earned a couple of million out of being sacked, and will no doubt end up starting next season with a team comprable to Hull City back in the Championship.

Brown will feel hard done-by because he was Hull City’s greatest ever manager. But he should realise that he stopped being that manager 14 months ago.

Evidence of some of Phil’s more astute tactics

The sacking of Phil Brown is great news for the Premiership, as if they get in a decent manager (see Coppell, avoid Megson) they will probably stay up. That means there will be something interesting at the bottom come the end of the season, as the bottom three were looking pretty abject.

So at the end of the day, Phil Brown, David Beckham and football in general all benefit from these recent ‘tragedies’ blighting their life.

And cheer up fellas, this John Cusack film I saw told me the world ends in 2012, so don’t mope around too much, yo.

Cheer up DB and PB, the end times are upon us...

A big build up for a little trick
March 10, 2010, 10:21 pm
Filed under: Mat Reville's Football Blog

Does anybody else get the feeling that this season lacks a bit of the magic of years gone by?

True, it may just be evidence of the biological clock tick-tocking, but it doesn’t seem as exciting that Manchester United can beat AC Milan 4-0 at home as it would have done even two seasons ago.

The fact that Niclas Bendnar scored a hat-trick doesn’t really resonate in the same way that a Ronny Rosenthal trio of strikes would have done in the mid-nineties.

This lamentable apathy is not reserved to the Champion’s League. I don’t really feel that watching the Premiership is any great shakes.

Chelsea and Manchester United and are all so much worse this year than in previous campaigns that their routine 2-0 victories don’t make my heart palpatate.

Similarly, Liverpool and Arsenal now seem so misanthropic that their results seem like an irrelevant score in the midsts of time.

However, I’m not one to blast the beautiful game. If you don’t like watching it join the group of cerebrially challenged misanthropes that believe a sporting challenge is improved if there are either studmarks or a lack of public interest involved.

Rather, we should concentrate in these times of team dominance on the frailties of the individuals within these behemoths.

It’s a good thing, then, that we still have moronic individuals to put onto pedestals and lament for the fools they are.

This is what intrinsically makes football better han the drones of rugby, the  yokels of cricket and the dweebs of tennis. It involves sporting prowess but also all the marketable elements of the Victorian Freakshow.

The purpose of this update offers no further reason than to present this video, to remind you all that in a time when football results are repetitive and boring, we as true football fans should dedicate ourselves to the true pursuit in sport: focusing on individuals and praising them when they are very, very good, but castigating them when they are very, very bad.

Not necessarily bad on the pitch, but bad nonetheless.