Then Saturday Comes… the half decent football blog


Wayne’s World, Wayne’s World, Partytime, Excellent

Chezza's a firm member of Team Bridge

Recent sexscapades have COLEmanated in it all being a BRIDGE too far for English footballers (espASHLEY left backs), who now find their careers on the WAYNE hahahaha.

With fine wordplay like that you may be surprised to read I am not currently being headhunted for script work on ITV phenomenon ‘Take Me Out’.

Back to the business at hand: Sweet Wayne Bridge’s retirement from international football becauseof what that brute JT did to the mother of his child.

Lovely Wayne Bridge’s retirement from international football is of course bad news for Leighton Baines’ children, as they will now soon be from a single parent home.

The England Left Back 2010 Hoax, created by enemy of the state Jack Warner, has already stolen the marital bliss of messrs Cole and Bridge, and now it’s after the poshest footballer in the country.

“Leighton, your lobster is ready”, his maid used to say, to all his Scouse classmates’ chagrin.

Anyway, enough of that, let’s get onto whether Huggable Wayne was right to go.

Well obviously he wasn’t. If Dream Team has taught us anything it’s that these footballer fads are forgotten with a moment of soccer unity, and Darling Wayne would have got a lot of closure from, I dunno, some sort of a moment where he and JT simultaneously elbowed Christiano Ronaldo.

As it is, St Wayne has taken the easy route out, and will spend his summer doing charity walks and looking after orphans while that evil JT makes a one man campaign to bring apartheid back to South Africa.

Hopefully Brave Wayne will get a job as a pundit on the BBC. Not only is he totally lovely, but it would be great to see him brooding away while John Terry scampers around beating up foreigners like he likes to.
In the next few days there are a few left-back inevitablities.

There will be stories about Cheryl Cole’s divorce demands under the headline ‘Cheryl Greedy’.

There will be a plethora of stories linking Leighton Baines’ life to World Cup winner George Cohen, including things like “they were both born on the third Wednesday of the month their mum died in”.

But most inevitably, there will be moronic calls for how Beautiful Wayne’s decision to quit should affect John Terry.

JT's disguise was falling nobody

Idiots like Martin Samuel will say JT should quit as well, so Benevolent Wayne can come back to the set-up, under some sort of a headline like “I’d rather lose with a soldier than win with a terrorist.”

Meanwhile, idiots like Ian Wright will say that JT should be given the captain’s armband back, no doubt spouting some rhetoric like “Now Bridgey’s gone Johnny being skipper won’t bother no-one”, all written while Wrighty licks the egg yolk from the steak he’s resting on his face.

At the end of the day none of these will happen. Rather, Terry will stay as a deserving starter for the World Cup, while Yummy Wayne will probably be feeling a bit stupid about himself come June.

Next week: the conclusive report of Likeable Wayne’s GBH charge after the game at Stamford Bridge

Recent sexscapades have COLEmanated in it all being a BRIDGE too far for English footballers
(espASHLEY left backs), who has now found their career on the WAYNE hahahaha.With fine wordplay like that you’ll not be surprised I am currently being headhunted for ITVphenomenon ‘Take Me Out’.Back to the business at hand: Sweet Wayne Bridge’s retirement from international footballbecause of what that brute JT did to the mother of his child.Lovely Wayne Bridge’s retirement from international football is of course bad news for LeightonBaines’ children, as they will now soon be from a single parent home.The England Left Back 2010 Hoax, created by enemy of the state Jack Warner, has already stolenthe marital bliss of messrs Cole and Bridge, and now it’s after the poshest footballer in thecountry.”Leighton, your lobster is ready”, his maid used to say, to all his Scouse classmates’ chagrin.Anyway, enough of that, let’s get onto whether Huggable Wayne was right to go.Well obviously he wasn’t. If Dream Team has taught us anything it’s that these footballer fadsare forgotten with a moment of soccer unity, and Darling Wayne would have got a lot of closurefrom, I dunno, some sort of a moment where he and JT simultaneously elbowed Christiano Ronaldo.As it is, St Wayne has taken the easy route out, and will spend his summer doing charity walksand looking after orphans while that evil JT makes a one man campaign to bring apartheid back toSouth Africa.Hopefully Brave Wayne will get a job as a pundit on the BBC. Not only is he totally lovely, butit would be great to see him brooding away while John Terry scampers around beating upforeigners like he does.In the next few days there are a few left-back inevitablities.There will be stories about Cheryl Cole’s divorce demands under the headline ‘Cheryl Greedy’.There will be a plethora of stories linking Leighton Baines’ life to World Cup winner GeorgeCohen, including things like “they were both born on the third Wednesday of the month their mumdied in”.But most inevitably, there will be moronic calls for how Beautiful Wayne’s decision to quitshould affect John Terry.Idiots like Martin Samuel will say JT should quit as well, so Benevolent Wayne can come back tothe set-up, under some sort of a headline like “I’d rather lose with a soldier than win with aterrorist.”Meanwhile, idiots like Ian Wright will say that JT should be given the captain’s armband back,no doubt spouting some rhetoric like “Now Bridgey’s gone Johnny being skipper won’t botherno-one”, all written while Wrighty licks the egg yolk from the steak he’s resting on his face.At the end of the day none of these will happen. Rather, Terry will stay as a deserving starterfor the World Cup, while Yummy Wayne will probably be feeling a bit stupid about himself comeJune.Next week: the conclusive report of Likeable Wayne’s GBH charge after the game at StamfordBridge
Advertisements