Then Saturday Comes… the half decent football blog


Brave John Terry in Scandal-gate
January 30, 2010, 9:33 pm
Filed under: Mat Reville's Football Blog | Tags:

Brave JT the sex pistolBastion of British newsworthiness The Daily Mail decided that the day after Tony Blair gave evidence at the Iraq Inquiry that the story most deserving of their front page was brave John Terry having an affair with Wayne Bridge’s girlfriend.

The brave England skipper tried to get a court injunction to stop people saying this is the case, presumably to stop losing all his endorsements a la Tiger Woods.

Thankfully the judge gave a thumbs down to the frivolous yet brave request that would make Joaquin Phoenix proud, much to John “Are You Not Entertained” Terry’s chagrin.

The result of this is that the Daily Mail, and by extension myself, were able to write that brave John Terry had an affair with Wayne Bridge’s girlfriend.

Imagine how angry then JT must be when he reads that sentence blog. To shake things up, let’s say it again with the adjectives switched around.

John Terry had a brave affair with Wayne Bridge’s girlfriend.

One more time for the lolz?

John Terry had an affair with Wayne Bridge’s brave girlfriend.

I think that’s enough reporting, and brave John will probably be headbutting his monitor now so will not read the rest of the blog, so it can get fantastically libellous without any fear of reproach.

Allez libel, allez.

Wayne Bridge's brave son, yesterday

Famously brave defender Terry was voted Dad of the Year last year in a Daddies Sauce survey and has two children with wife Toni. Anyone called Toni Terry is a cartoon character themself, so this latest revelation must be quite a blow.

It’s a scientific fact that sad events are more depressing if they happen to cartoon characters. Imagine if Penfold was diagnosed with dementia, or if Scrooge McDuck was struck by sickle cell anaemia. It would be terrible.

For this reason it is all the more tragic for Toni Terry that her brave husband has strayed.

Thus far I’ve not mentioned Wayne Bridge. His career is on the Wayne anyway and this revelation may be a Bridge too far. I can’t be bothered to talk about him any more so that’ll do.

The natural consequence of the shocking revelation that a professional sportsman is not faithful is that brave JT will face intense public scrutiny over whether he can keep the captain’s armband.

I don’t expect for one minute that Fabio Capello will remove it from him, because it is wholly inevitable that Terry will bravely resign as skipper before he gets the chance.

If he has any sense he will do that. There is no way he can be seen as a leader of the players if he’s stealing their lovely WAGs. If he doesn’t resign as captain he will have to face consequences from Capello and may get dropped.

But if he falls on his sword the press will no doubt say it is brave and that will be seen as his punishment and rehabilitation.

Then we can all just stand back and say “ooh wasn’t he brave during all that criticism.” Apart from Wayne Bridge, who would probably be slightly more critical of the intensely brave football wonder hero.

.

* Matthew Reville was channeling the spirit of Stig Inge Bjørnebye for the above post, and would appreciate if you read it again in Stig’s forceful Nordic accent.

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