Then Saturday Comes… the half decent football blog



I talked to my Geordie friend Stephen Jones

Using our 21st century mobile phones

He invited me to go and sit with the Toon Army

At the Ricoh Arena, to say no would be barmy


So off in his car we sped on our way

To the ground where Coventry play

I’d sit with Newcastle fans in the away end

If they knew I’m an outsider a hooligan they’d send

To fit in with the Geordies I’d have to pretend

Although that rhyme broke my iambic pentameter

Into the ground with the fans I did scatter

First thing we did was bought ourselves pies

The pic on the right proves these stories ain’t lies

£3.20 for some pastry? I couldn’t believe my eyes

As we got to our seats the game was about to begin

Cov’s line-up was so bad they could have played Keith Chegwin

Newcastle started to dominate from the very first kick

And while Steve on his chicken pie continued to lick

Shola Ameobi opened the scoring with a quality goal

The finish was as good as anything by Andy Cole


The Geordies went delirious, over the moon

But still their fans only sung one tune

It’s lyrics were altogether quite dastardly

Because it was about a fat cockney named Ashley

As we entered half-time the score was still one-nill

To be honest the game wasn’t much of a thrill

It could have been sold as a great sleeping pill

But during the interval we managed to have a few snickers

As the fans on all sides of us seemed to be window lickers

There were fatties and thinnies, youngsters and old

A ginger man whose belly could shield a slum from the cold

It may be patronising but I just couldn’t get a grip

On how these thousands of weirdos could afford the trip

Before I could start planning my Geordie holocaust

The second half kicked off like a rusty exhaust

Yes I’m fully aware that my last line didn’t make sense or even rhyme

But these last two will rhyme double (oh what a fine time)

Newcastle again dominated, they were the much better side

The Coventry players had nowhere to hide

Instead they just conceded a second, I knew that they would

The goal came from Nile Ranger, who comes from the ‘hood

And he knew how to bang it in the net with a thunderous thud

The game finished two nil and the away fans gave a warning

That Cov boss Coleman would get sacked in the morning

But as I filtered out of the ground it became quite clear

That supporting anyone but Leicester it seems to appear

Is like pretending to be an elephant when you’re really a deer.


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