Then Saturday Comes… the half decent football blog

October 29, 2009, 9:38 pm
Filed under: Mat Reville's Football Blog | Tags: , , ,

Which beardy boss will drop first?SCARY DAYS FOR HAIRY BOYS

With the whole world going bonkers for Halowe’en I figured it would be good to begin this update with a shrine to death.  Let’s all have a knees up and celebrate the macabre just like the Yanks!

Of course this death kick has to tie into football so what better analogy than of the impending career deaths of two of the most overrated people kicking heels in Premiership dugouts?

Yes, it isn’t only outlandish goatees that links Rafael Benitez and Phil Brown together.  Both Brown and Benitez have guided their clubs to outstanding heights, achieving results far beyond expectations.  Yet now they are both seemingly on the brink of getting sacked, although Rafa’s ability to beat Manchester United has seemingly tempered the public outcry from four defeats in five games that make the FA Cup the only competition they are not already struggling to stay in.

Benitez’s 2005 Champion’s league success and Brown’s amazing accomplishment of making Hull a Premiership team are both better than anything any other Premiership manager has achieved (apart from what Martin O’Neill did at Leicester City, obviously).

But their previous laurels are all that is keeping these two chumps in employment.

Benitez is clearly not able to push Liverpool any further.  Despite admittedly being a consistent force in the Champion’s League, that victory was a bit of an anomaly and it’s hard to argue that the Scousers are really any closer to winning a league title than under Roy Evans or Gerard Houllier.

Although Phil Brown’s beard may be but a memory but it is an abiding one and, much like Blackbeard before him, he will be forever synonymous with the facial fuzz that haunted his mouth for much of the recent past.

Brown could rightly argue that he is achieving far more than any other Hull City manager.  However, he is a victim of his own success.  He is not the man to keep Hull in the Premiership.  It was right to give him a second season to see if his thin squad was simply fatigued at the second half of last season, but the way they have started this campaign suggests that under Brown they are simply treading water until relegation.

Beards – not compatible with success

Personally, I don’t understand why either has such a love for goatees.  The laurels they so clearly rely upon were achieved when they were freshly clean shaven.  Why don’t they just go back to those simpler times?  After all, the world’s greatest big achievers (Barack Obama, Bill Gates and Simon Cowell) don’t have any facial hair, let alone the self indulgent goatee.

Their faces are symbolic of their vanity and proof that they are not being introspective with their clubs’ failures.  The arrogance of a bearded face belies the problems of a stuttering football club.

Frankly I can’t think of a single person that is successful who has a beard.  Except for Richard Branson, but then again a broken clock is right twice a day. For this reason they should both be fired immediately and replaced with people that will not grow beards.

Adam Pearson should make Nick Barmby (left) the Hull gaffer since he still looks like a pre-pubescent boy that cannot grow facial hair.

The Anfield job should go to Hope Powell (right) , since her gender makes her a great candidate for not going all beardy at the first hint of success.



I thought the debate over television evidence was new.  I was wrong, it’s been gonig on since I was dead (i.e. not alive).  Take this fantastic argument between Jimmy Greaves and Speccy Newbon – and particularly Greavesy’s fantastic comment at 1:45 which is probably the funniest answer to a question I have ever heard.


1 Comment so far
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”It’s 1983 I tells ya”

Nice one Jimmy

Comment by P Hewitt MP

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