Then Saturday Comes… the half decent football blog


May 5 2009
May 5, 2009, 5:40 pm
Filed under: Mat Reville's Football Blog

To start things off, here’s a video of Alex Ferguson missing a bus;

fergie-bus

Ryan did not receive the same amount of support on the terraces as he did from his fellow pros

Ryan did not receive the same amount of support on the terraces as he did from his fellow pros

GIGGS BAGS LADS AWARD

Continuing the Manchester United theme on this, the eve of the Champion’s League Semi Final, let’s remember a personal award given to one of their longest serving (and most likeable) troops.  A couple of weeks ago, ageing veteran Ryan Giggs was awarded player of the year.  True, it’s not really news to talk about it now but it’s my blog and I’ll dictate onto you whatever I please.

Undoubtedly, the Giggler has done less this season than previous winners.  14 starts and 1 goal at the time of the award is a poor return for a player supposedly the best in the land.

Many people have jumped on the bandwagon and bemoaned the decision, saying it is a lifetime merit award and suggesting it is like giving an aged thespian the Oscar for Best Actor due to a 2 minute cameo in a film.  However, although he was not the best player, he still deserved to win the award.  Don’t worry, mistake haters, that contradiction in terms was 100% on purpose.

There are two criteria that decide any election: who the electorate are and the candidates.

1. Electorate
Frankly, you do not have the right to criticise the decision unless you are a professional footballer.  This is the PFA award, meaning it is voted for by pros.  Arguing with this decision is a complete waste of time.  You would be far better served spending the time practising your footballing skills so you can vote this time next year.

2. Candidates
This is the real reason Old Man Giggs won the award.  There were undoubtedly better players this year (Lampard, Vidic, Ronaldo, Gerrard), but frankly they are all so loathesome that they split the ticket.

Any scholar of political science will tell you that if there isn’t one outstanding candidate a joke one will emerge and win.  This is the governing factor that lead to John Sergeant quitting Strictly Come Dancing, much to the loathesome groans of the unwashed masses.

The other potential winners were disqualified from the race because their names were too difficult for the professional footballers to spell.  Who really expects Joey Barton to be able to spell ‘Hangeland ‘, or Titus Bramble to spell ‘Fellaini’.  So they were disqualified due to the impractical nature of their name.

So that concludes why Ryan Giggs deserved to win the PFA Player Of The Year:

  • footballers are thick
  • his name is easy to spell
  • he isn’t a scumbag and got the ‘aww isn’t he nice’ vote

Anyway it’s a nothing medal that someone as level-headed as Giggs probably finds embarrassing to even bother with, when he’s got Champion’s League and Premiership medals on the horizon.  If you don’t agree with me you should just follow the Spice Girls’ advice and ‘spice up your life’.


And for his next trick, Alex will get Birmingham relegated by Easter... ta da

And for his next trick, Alex will get Birmingham relegated by Easter... ta da

A TRICK OF THE MIND WITH ALEX MCLEISH

Next we drift into the abyss of the lower leagues.  No, not Leicester City (this blog really has to depart from the Man United/LCFC/Newcastle routine), but instead to the ‘Promised Land’. Last weekend the season finished, and old Big ‘Eck masterminded an instant return to the Premiership.

Moronic Blue Noses whooped and hollored at the same players they furiously criticised last season.  Former public enemy #1 David Gold was given a standing ovation, whereas last year his children were attacked by a ravenous mob.

Of course, this time next year the routine will restart.  As Birmingham drift back into the Championship the players will be charlatans and the chairmen derisory scumbags. Still, their promotion did give us that picture of Alex McLeish looking like a magician, and that is the biggest contribution that football club has made to the sport since Christophe Dugarry retired.

And if you don’t agree with me you should just follow the Spice Girls’ advice and ‘spice up your life’.

scunny1UP THE IRON


In the final stop in this whistle-blow summary of the top three leagues, let’s have a little look at League One where it has turned from the business end to the BUSINESS END of the season.

The Play-Offs are in full force, and every neutral in the country is 100% behind Scunthorpe United.  And if they are not, they should be of questionable fandom.

The 4 teams that have qualified for the play-offs are hooligan scumbags Leeds United, hooligan scumbags Millwall and bastions of football heritage the Milton Keynes McDons.  Of course, the amiable Scunthorpe United are being more popular than Susan Boyle if she cured swine flu.

I’m throwing my weight behind The Iron’s promotion campaign, and would like to remind any Scunthorpe fan reading of my midas touch in League One (1 promotion desired, 1 promotion gained).  I am hopnig to get tickets to the second leg at the (admittedly lovely) McDonalds Stadium in the Scunny end, where I will be sucking Grant McCann’s free-kicks away from the touch-line and into the net.  And with their comparative experience (Championship last season and a Wembley-run in the JP Cup this year) combined with the natural boost given to the club that makes it on the last day, I have a good feeling about Scunthorpe’s chances.

I’m sure you will join me in my quest unless you were unfortunate enough to be lumbered with supporting Leeds, Millwall or Dons as a child (which is difficult in the case of Franchise FC).

And if you don’t agree with me you should just follow the Spice Girls’ advice and ‘tonight will be the night when two become one’.


IRON!

Undoubtedly, the Giggler has done less this season than previous winners.  14 starts and 1 goal at the time of the award is a poor return for a player supposedly the best in the land.

Many people have jumped on the bandwagon and bemoaned the decision, saying it is a lifetime merit award and suggesting it is like giving an aged thespian the Oscar for Best Actor due to a 2 minute cameo in a film.  However, although he was not the best player, he still deserved to win the award.  Don’t worry, mistake haters, that contradiction in terms was 100% on purpose.

There are two criteria that decide any election: who the electorate are and the candidates.

1. Electorate
Frankly, you do not have the right to criticise the decision unless you are a professional footballer.  This is the PFA award, meaning it is voted for by pros.  Arguing with this decision is a complete waste of time.  You would be far better served spending the time practising your footballing skills so you can vote this time next year.

2. Candidates
This is the real reason Old Man Giggs won the award.  There were undoubtedly better players this year (Lampard, Vidic, Ronaldo, Gerrard), but frankly they are all so loathesome that they split the ticket.

Any scholar of political science will tell you that if there isn’t one outstanding candidate a joke one will emerge and win.  This is the governing factor that lead to John Sergeant quitting Strictly Come Dancing, much to the loathesome groans of the unwashed masses.

The other potential winners were disqualified from the race because their names were too difficult for the professional footballers to spell.  Who really expects Joey Barton to be able to spell ‘Hangeland ‘, or Titus Bramble to spell ‘Fellaini’.  So they were disqualified due to the impractical nature of their name.

So that concludes why Ryan Giggs deserved to win the PFA Player Of The Year:
– footballers are thick
– his name is easy to spell
– he isn’t a scumbag and got the ‘aww isn’t he nice’ vote

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